I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
