hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
