i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
