haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
