She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
