I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
