so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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