Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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