dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
