Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
