throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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