Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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