i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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