Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Be still, my beating vagina.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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