I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
