all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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