the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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