I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
