it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
is wine microwaveable?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
