Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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