So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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