apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
