gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
