Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
