yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
