Me too!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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