im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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