Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
