no, he came in my armpit
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
