wrigley field is MILF paradise
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
