1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
