East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
