He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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