found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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