I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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