I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
