I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
