conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
