I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
