Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
