i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
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