so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
