Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
