your parents love me but you hate me
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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