You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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