I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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