dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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