Ambien. No doubt about it.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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