just survived the first fart of the relationship.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When are your genitals available?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
