what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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