I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
