I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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