I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wanna passion pit in your ass
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
