he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
