I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
A bitchslap is in order.
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